This Emperor has no Close

Donald Trump is a salesman. Pretty good one, so he believes. Some great philosophers believe that we all are salespeople. We begin as babies trying to "sell" our mothers and fathers on the idea that we're hungry, need a diaper change or just that we have gas. We continue our salesmanship (gender neutral) into adolescence by selling the idea that we need a car, a smart phone, an allowance as big as my friends at school, and the latest $200 basketball shoes. Not all sales get closed. Not all pitches are successful.

Now, Donald Trump is in the sales pitch of his life. Like the desperate character in the Twilight Zone episode called "One for the Angels". The street peddler, played by Ed Wynn, has to keep "Death" incarnate from successfully reaching the bedroom of young girl who has been critically injured in an auto accident. Reaching her means he will take her life. Ed Wynn, who has never seen much success at selling in his life, puts on a pitch that mesmerizes "Death" to the point of missing his appointment at midnight with the little girl. However, unlike Ed Wynn's character, Donald Trump has seen a tremendous amount of sales success. He's a billionaire for chrissakes. He's the co-author of "The Art of The Deal". He's the Donald. He's the Trump in Trump Tower.

Donald Trump is selling us this story: That the FBI planted a spy in his presidential campaign.That he never had sex with Stormy Daniels. That he didn't fire James Comey because of the Russia thing, even though he said so on National TV. He is selling the idea that he is being framed by the 13 democrats in the Mueller Investigative team, although from what we can discern, Mueller himself is not. He's trying very hard to sell us on the fact that his attorneys have misspoken, made errors, were misunderstood, or just made plain old mistakes when they obviously lied to the American people when they said that Trump never dictated an excuse for the infamous Trump Tower meeting with Russians, but now say that "Oh yeah, he did that. Why, did we say some thing different? Oh, that was just a mistake." All of us who have gone through sales classes, seminars or have read books about selling, or even who have seen Glengarry Glen Ross and it's "Coffee is for CLOSERS" scene, know something about closing. It's very different from sales. Everyone can sell. We've talked about that. But Closers are born. They're different. Sure, they have to be well-honed, trained, and developed. But they are Closers in their DNA.

We're told by many experts that there are 26 CLOSING techniques. Everything from the "Colombo", where you give up, make your way to the door, slap your forehead and say "listen, I know I can't make this sale, but what did I miss? Can you tell me for my next sales meeting? I'd really like to know." Your client, feeling at ease, tells you why they didn't buy. You can guess the rest.

Here's Trump's problem. The enablers in the Republican Congress are starting to come loose like threads in an old rug. A Jeff Flake here, a Trey Gowdy there, then Paul Ryan comes out and says that he, like Gowdy, finds the FBI actions during the Trump campaign were clearly "appropriate". When Trump and his relatively new sales assistant, Rudy Giuliani, say that Trump is being "framed" by the Mueller team, Republican politicians are saying everything from "he (Trump) should get a new attorney if that's true" just giggling nervously while shaking their heads.

This is no regular sale. This is a convoluted web of intricate knitting. To believe one part, you have to suspend your belief in everything from logic to physics. There is no easy way to paste this all together into one coherent pitch. Buy the fact that we're being framed. Buy the fact all of our meetings with Russians (especially Russian mafiosos and sanctioned bankers) were completely innocent or part of our jobs, and buy the fact that I fired Comey because he was unfair to Hillary Clinton. Add to that that we need to believe that every lie they've been caught in was just an accidental telling of an untruth. Not a lie per se, but a mistake. There is no workable close for this scenario. There can be no "Colombo" to cleverly find out what we all want to hear. Sure, your base will buy whatever you have. Lock, stock and barrel. But it's the other 70% of us that has to fall into an hypnotic trance in order to pull out our credit cards and sign on your bottom line.

Not gonna happen because this Emperor has no close.

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